The Piedmont Highlander

The Student News Site of Piedmont High School

The Piedmont Highlander

The Piedmont Highlander

Embrace the strains, stumbles and sweat

Music blares. Moisture clings to the back of my neck. The lights are off, but the flashing colors and disco ball illuminate the classmates dancing around me. They seem to be creatures of this element, bouncing confidently and pumping their fists.

In my first two years of high school, I watched from the outside as cohesive circles of friends discoed together. I sometimes glommed on to groups, but I was always a bit out of sync. It seemed to me like I was the only one who didn’t know where I belonged.

Now, I’ve found people who boogie to my beat. Still, I sometimes stare at other circles, wondering whether they’re having more fun.

I look down at my own feet, shuffling awkwardly to the beat. I wonder whether my classmates can detect my unease. I continue to dance, hoping that the volume of the music will drown out my doubts.

As these thoughts fill my mind, I pump my fists and smile, hoping to blend in with the crowd. Nobody seems to notice my discomfort. I probably appear almost as poised as the classmates I’ve been watching.

In addition to fooling the people around me, my confident mask sometimes fools me too. I forget my insecurities and feel true joy. It’s been shown that feigned confidence can become real confidence. As they say, “Fake it until you make it.”

Although acting comfortable can help me have a rockin’ time, I worry that it also could heighten my classmates’ perceived isolation. For a fellow student who is feeling insecure, my mask of poise perpetuates the perception that he or she is the only uncomfortable person on the dance floor.

Away from the sweaty dance floor, a similar phenomenon occurs in the waltz of academic and extracurricular achievement. As I glide from journalism to track practice to five hours of homework, I strive to make my whirls look effortless, even when they’re strained.

In modern world history sophomore year, I studied for two hours for a test, then told my classmates that I hadn’t studied. That way, if I did badly, it was not a reflection of my intelligence; it was only a lack of effort. As they sang in “Wicked,” “Those who don’t try never look foolish.”

By dancing through life, I’ve fueled the myth of effortless achievement. While I pretend to have everything under control, I sometimes struggle to keep up with the rhythm. When junior year started, I realized that the pace was simply too fast to continue masking my vulnerability. I began to open up about my stresses and insecurities.

As I grew less focused on maintaining the smoothness in my waltzing, the boogieing became less lonely too. When being more honest with myself and my peers, it was easier to form meaningful connections with others, and they were there to catch me when I stumbled.

Looking back on these past four years, I wish my freshman self had known that high school is not as easy as other people make it seem. Everyone faces self-doubt and struggles to keep the beat from time to time.

And for what it’s worth, my smiles and confidence at senior prom were genuine. By removing my masks, I finally found a happy groove and a groovy group.

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